An amazing race of a different kind
I found myself in a race yesterday. If I didn't hurry up, there was going to be one smelly mess to clean up. See, there are some races you don't want to be in. Watching a race is good. Being involved in one that has consequences is bad. Like the rush to get a beer before Happy Hour ends or at bar close. The dreaded race home from dinner at a restaurant because something you ate is rushing through your system begging to be released. Or the race from the house to the garbage because the bag is slowly splitting open.
Thankfully my race yesterday was the last one, not the second. I was taking out the garbage and decided to toss everything into one bag. Everything happens to be regular garbage, about a week and a half of used (dirty, soiled, pissed out, crapped in?) cat litter and some rotting beef. The meat I had forgotten about for a couple weeks was pretty rank. It gave out a smell like you wouldn't believe. Add that to cat urine and other garbage and it was disgusting.
But the capper was the hole in the side of the bag. I noticed the hole when I went out the door. I then saw it slowly getting bigger. Damn, the race was on! And there wasn't a million dollars at the finish line either. If I didn't get to the garbage cans in time, there was going to be one foul pile of crap (literally) on the sidewalk to clean up and I sure didn't want that to happen.
Of course, some of you have been in this spot before. You realize that there is an art to carrying a torn bag. If you move to fast, you may cause the hole to open quickly because you hold on the bag may cause more strain. If you go too slowly, you may underestimate the growth rate of the hole and have a mess. You need the right speed.
Thankfully, I made it. All is well. Except I forgot to get more cat litter while at the the store last night. I had a feeling I would be back there within a week when I had little in my cart. I had to get some cards for the party I am attending. You girls should be thankful, I rarely get people cards. But I did for you two. I was going to get one with naked women on it just so the guys at the party could appreciate it but you don't find too many of those in your regular grocery store. In fact, you don't find any. Sigh.
Wow, what the hell did I just type up? Is this what happens when I stay sober? Maybe more of this will happen as I stay sober for 32 (?) days:
Why looky looky, the first place money I tooky!
You can read more over at Beer City Poker. Hmm...do I need to change name of that site now? As much as I enjoy drunken poker, it just can't be done right now.
Thankfully my race yesterday was the last one, not the second. I was taking out the garbage and decided to toss everything into one bag. Everything happens to be regular garbage, about a week and a half of used (dirty, soiled, pissed out, crapped in?) cat litter and some rotting beef. The meat I had forgotten about for a couple weeks was pretty rank. It gave out a smell like you wouldn't believe. Add that to cat urine and other garbage and it was disgusting.
But the capper was the hole in the side of the bag. I noticed the hole when I went out the door. I then saw it slowly getting bigger. Damn, the race was on! And there wasn't a million dollars at the finish line either. If I didn't get to the garbage cans in time, there was going to be one foul pile of crap (literally) on the sidewalk to clean up and I sure didn't want that to happen.
Of course, some of you have been in this spot before. You realize that there is an art to carrying a torn bag. If you move to fast, you may cause the hole to open quickly because you hold on the bag may cause more strain. If you go too slowly, you may underestimate the growth rate of the hole and have a mess. You need the right speed.
Thankfully, I made it. All is well. Except I forgot to get more cat litter while at the the store last night. I had a feeling I would be back there within a week when I had little in my cart. I had to get some cards for the party I am attending. You girls should be thankful, I rarely get people cards. But I did for you two. I was going to get one with naked women on it just so the guys at the party could appreciate it but you don't find too many of those in your regular grocery store. In fact, you don't find any. Sigh.
Wow, what the hell did I just type up? Is this what happens when I stay sober? Maybe more of this will happen as I stay sober for 32 (?) days:
Why looky looky, the first place money I tooky!
You can read more over at Beer City Poker. Hmm...do I need to change name of that site now? As much as I enjoy drunken poker, it just can't be done right now.
posted by StB at 7:40 AM
3 Comments:
Nice rake on the cards.
I buy 33 gallon bags for my 13 gallon trash can, that way when you pull it out it won't explode. You still have to worry about heavy crap but with the extra bag size things usually work out.
I have no wisdom to bestow about trash as I rarely make that trip to the garbage can outdside. I married Cro-Magnon man, that's his job.
Nice win in the poker tourney. You should have a nice little fund for your fall off the wagon. Or will it be more like a head-first dive?
Congrats on the win!!
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