Those annoying people in the work place

People love reading lists. Not sure why it is but if you create a list explaining the freaks you work around, you are sure to get a reaction. Yesterday I got a bit fed up with some of the women clucking away while I was trying to get some work done (for once). The bullshit was piling up quickly and as annoying as it was, it was inspiring. Thus I give you the annoying workplace people. I could have you sing "Who are the people in your neighborhood" from Sesame Street (I think) and change neighborhood to work-a-place (has to be 3 syllables) but that song would stick in your head all day and it would slowly drive you nuts so I won't do that.

1. Person that prints a shitload of stuff and leaves it on the printer forcing you to search for your work
2. Anyone who does not make coffee after taking the last cup. Thankfully I don't have to worry about that anymore but it did annoy the fuck out of me.
3. The wuss who make coffee weak because that is the way they like it. Yeah, it is too hard to make a regular pot and add water. I worked with one ass who basically drank colored water.
4. The hens who constantly talk about their kids. Little Johnny this and baby Sally said the cutest thing. I think Breakfast Club. Pow!
5. People who slow down the line in the cafeteria because they need to fill 3 plates at a salad bar, including taking all of the tomatoes. One lady does this daily. It adds five minutes to your wait.
6. The guy who feels the need to say something witty to you every time you see him. Hey, I got your wit right here!
7. The people who meet you once and use your name every time you see them. Who the hell teaches this trick anyways? You get introduced in one meeting and the next thing you know you see him everywhere and hear the happy "Hey Carl! How's it going?" every freakin' time!
8. People who complain about not having enough time to get their work done. Usually they spend a big chuck of the day socializing with others and are clueless as to why they do not accomplish anything have to work late.
9. Lurkers. They need to ask you something and stand around waiting impatiently for you to recognize their presence, ignoring the obvious fact that you are busy. My assistant does this all the time. I ignore her on purpose until..
10. Lurkers who feel the need to make noises or wave their arms to get your attention because you are ignoring them on purpose. I wish I could pick up an airhorn and just blow when this happens.
11. Clock watchers. They will not be working one minute past the time they can leave. Of course they showed up 10 minutes late. I worked with a guy who had this art down pat. He would call up a friend to clock him in when he was late. He knew the shortest path to his desk and knew exactly when to shut all PC applications down so when the clock hit 4 he was out the door. Of course he got caught and cannot hold a regular job.
12. The petty clockwatchers. they complain about the clockwatchers and get back at them by taking a longer lunch or by showing up late on purpose. They think if Bob is able to spend 15 more minutes at lunch then I get to as well. Get over it people.
13. Grazers in the cafeteria. They take an hour lunch which consists of eating for 10 minutes and talking for the next 50 minutes even though people need the space to eat their lunch.
14. Vacuumsms in the cafe. The guy who fills his tray with a ton of food because it is free. Basically he only eats at work; he finds a way to eat 3 meals and will take food home with him.
15. Surfers. They never finish a project on time but always seem to have ebay or ESPN on their computer.
16. The non-reciprocators. They eat the donuts but never bring them in. Possibly the lowest form of life. The take all they can but never give in return.
17. Tight-wads. They make good money but can't give 20 bucks for a fund raiser. And they brag about it. Karma will come to kick them in the ass.
18. Better way woman. The lady who learns a new process and decides to do it differently- and incorrectly- because she likes the way she does it.
19. Never gone change man. He will not trdifferentrnet more effective procedure because I have been doing this for 10 years and I know what I am doing. Yeah, but now peoplcomputersmpters instead of LED calculators. Catch up to the 21st century pops.
20. The cleaning person who messes up your desking while supposedly cleaning. Every morning I have to rearrange my desk because the damn cleaning person moves everything around. I wonder if I can wire my keyboard to shock her tonight when she moves it...
21. Complainers. No matter what is going on, these pessimists have something to bitch about. They seek out the worst possible scenario. If only I could slap them right away.

That is what I compiled yesterday. I know there are more. Feel free to add.

Last night I had a dream about beer. Only 2 weeks to go and I am dreaming of beer. In the dream I was at a church poker game. I was outside the gym with another friend who gave up drinking for Lent. He asked if I wanted a beer I quickly agreed and then remembered I couldn't drink. I told him I couldn't but he handed me a beer anyways. He motioned me to the side and said we could quickly drink a beer over here and no one would know. So I grabbed the beer and slammed it in 3 seconds. Even in my dream I thought of how great it tasted.

Only 2 weeks...